I can't really apologize for the scattershot nature of my posting or the inconsistency of the tone in what makes it into the blog. I'm still amazed at the number of things that I use or do daily which didn't exist when I was a kid. Touchscreen technology was science fiction and now it's all but disposable. As something of an anachronism I can't apologize when I'm running to keep up with a world that I don't particularly like. Not the planet. I love the planet. It's this weird construct we call society, built from double standards and where most of us are on double secret probation. After months of cynical, sarcastic carping and a protracted absence, I write from another place along the emotional spectrum, perspective skewed once more. That means I remain a satellite to social media and -- wait for it -- this may be cheerful.
Yes. Really.
Since getting back into the anonymous quasi-reality/para-reality that is social media and staying below the radar long enough to become sort of invisible, a few things have become clear. But don't worry because the change is in a good way.
Trolls are no less numerous nor less rabid than they were. But since they don't seek me out I'm not so often blindsided by the hostility when it inevitably crops up. And after a couple of years out of the line of fire it's much easier to read the vitriol and laugh. It still makes me sad that this behavior is as prevalent as it is and that it's how so many choose to interact, but even when someone is trying to make it personal I can usually see that it's got nothing to do with me. Like everyone else in the world, I'm just a target.
The strange phenomenon of so many taking so much seriously on the 'web remains baffling, but I can't understand why most everyone is tethered all but continually to their phones. I get that they're convenient and that they offer so much, but I can't grasp why that makes them as prevalent a choice over reality. People in groups in cars or in restaurants choosing to text or post online in lieu or talking with their companions are commonplace. I'm now seeing people trying to run and lift weights while using their phones. I can't get it and I'm done trying.
But my choice is to enjoy what's around me rather than let it pass me by. I harbor no animosity toward the world of pixels and memes. That would be powerfully hypocritical of me. I still visit for distraction and to enjoy the good in my friends' lives. I am occasionally mentioned here or there. But I've become a tourist. I live in a mountain cabin and know how lucky I am for that. The existence I know is largely one of my own terms and I don't ever want to forget that. Those who know me do not judge my choosing the path I have, even when my solitude may sadden them.
'Oh, yes,' you think as you read these words. 'He is so much more light and pleasant this go 'round. So very much.'
Wait for it.
The flip side of all the above is that since I've been able to be a virtual ghost, a near invisible man, I've also returned to those things about interwebbery that I enjoyed when I first engaged it. There are some connections that are remarkable. Ideas that I've held as truths since I was a boy are sometimes echoed or even validated. As someone who's lived so much in his own imagination, it isn't lost on me that so many go online to find what their lives may not give them. Romance and eroticism are abundant. One can be a superhero or villain and not get physically battered. Intellectual discussion is actually probably more easily enjoyed through a screen and more commonly than it is in most of our day to day otherwise. While some choose to project an image in keeping only with how they wish to be seen, others are communicating as their best selves.
If we are entering a new age and are gradually opting for a kind of symbiosis with our tech, with a sort of electronic hive mind, that is an inevitability and my inability to assimilate should have no bearing on anything. My view of or feelings about this trend are meaningless as I'm from the previous era. As a friend puts it, I'm pre-analog in a digital world. And I think this is true. But being out of synch also means there are things I can enjoy that are no longer real in this day. I write letters, go to libraries, discuss philosophy and take time to breathe and to bask in silence. Am I free from stress and strife? Not by any stretch. Have I achieved some kind of enlightenment? Not hardly, as John Wayne might have put it. But I am doing what I can to improve the quality of my life rather than get lost in the mad run to acquire more. If there's a choice between having what's meaningful or what's current and cool, it should be pretty obvious where I stand.
So yes, I'm more hopeful than I've been in the last several posts. I have made my way back into what gave me sorrow and found good there. There are millions screaming from soapboxes or choosing to wallow in what makes them unhappy, but there are more than a few simply trying to put good in the world and giving others reason to feel good. There's humor that isn't mean spirited. I've even 'liked' cute animal videos and pictures of food. But as a tourist I'm also happy to have things stay this way. I'll be peripheral to this world, meandering through every now and again, but if you want to actually find me you'll need to release the tether that binds you here. It's a beautiful morning on the mountain and I've already spent too much time sitting in front of a screen. Time to be outside for some of that breathing and ogling.
